SPDCA:

So I'd convinced myself that I'd forgotten to lube up the rear axle the last time I was putting my rear tire back together. I was convinced of this because the bike was getting harder and harder to pedal, and it seemed like I was slowing even going down hill. This confirmed by the fact that half of my "usual" gears were slipping when I put too much force on them, and that people seemed to have little trouble passing me on the bike trails.

At 11:30 last night, the neighbor kids decided to throw a ball onto my roof, and get it stuck in the gutter, and then continue to throw other things at it hoping they could get the ball out of the gutter. After blearily walking outside and asking what the hell they were doing, I walked back in and failed to get back to sleep. I randomly decided to look at my bike.

I turned it upside down, and tested spinning the wheels. Sure enough, the front wheel spun freely and for much longer than the back wheel. Listening closely, I could hear something lightly scraping against the wheel as it spun. Came to find that the brakes had migrated a bit, and the slight wobble of the wheel made the brake pad touch the rim. Adjusted the springs slightly, and the brake pads stopped touching.

The situation was improved. However, the rear wheel still spun more slowly than the front. After staring at it for a bit, I looked more closely at the axle. For quick release bike wheels, there's a small handle that says "Open" on one side and "Close" on another. As the bike was, in what I thought was the closed position, the outside of the level read "Open."

After puzzling a bit, and then remembering a video I'd seen on the subject, I remembered them saying "Don't over-tighten the quick release clamp." I also seemed to recall my dad saying about the same thing. I screwed the quick release handle back on, and made sure I hadn't tightened it too much such that I could close the lever and still see "Closed" on the side of the lever.

I spun the wheels again, and the back wheel spun faster and longer than the front wheel.

The bike to work this morning was pretty damn nice. I felt like a destroyer of worlds.

TL;DR; Through my ignorance and misrepair, I secretly activated "challenge mode" on my bike.