Further progress:

• Got another computer downstairs, configured it with the Perl script, and had it controlling another computer hooked up to the TV. Seemed to work as expected.

A big problem, however, is that the spare computer I'm using is my sister's old laptop. It's running a sort of recent version of Linux, which helps in terms of making it usable, but it's otherwise about the shittiest computer I've seen in a long time. It has absolutely no processing power, and for what little it has, it can't keep itself cool enough to run for more than a few minutes while performing something like a system upgrade. As a result, I can hear the system fan over my exercise bike. Ridiculous.

That said, I need something else downstairs to power and listen to the microcontroller. I'm debating bringing my NAS device over closer to the device, as it has a few USB ports and a Linux backend, but the thing works too well to start screwing with it.

If I was feeling particularly industrious, and frivolous, I could spend an extra $50 and get the Ethernet shield for the controller. I'd have to rewrite the code I have now, but it'd mean I could control VLC directly from the microcontroller, without need for an extra computer in the mix.

I'll have to think on it.