"I can hear everything that happens in your mouth. Everyone can hear everything happening in your mouth, because it is open when you put food into it. I'm telling this to you because it is fairly obvious that you do not realize this."

(emphasis mine, feel free to be creative)

Consequently, is this person at all in the Information Technology field? If so, I chew with my orifices closed because I believe in upholding the social contracts that keep civilization from crumbling. If coincidental but justified tragedy were to befall him, I'd gladly interview for his position.