In that case, texting then would be a reasonable alternative. Sitting in one's cubicle in mid-town Anchorage? You have more options.

(Also, I'll venture the poor performance of "teh tubes" up there has a lot to do with already limited pipe. I've heard of nothing but complaints about people unable to get their data (porn) at a reasonable rate because the connection was so oversaturated (with other people's porn). Imaginably, AT&T and GCI probably have mostly-dedicated connections, maybe even prioritized data traffic for their cellular data traffic... but if GCI's works any better, I'll venture it's because they have fewer customers. Can't speak to actual numbers, unfortunately. I do know that the majority of the traffic handled up there isn't via terrestrial landlines, relying on satellites instead. It's all about handling left turns.)

I had to look up "katy bar the door."

Twitter works well... if you don't plan on exchanging any important information. And there is also the convention surrounding it: you don't expect immediate delivery, or reasonably quick responses. It is yelling into the void. Sometimes somebody yells back the exact same thing with "RT" in front of it.