Disneyland Synopsis, Christmas 2012

My family took a trip over Christmas this year, first flying to Arizona, then driving to Anaheim, and visiting Disneyland and Calfornia Adventures over the course of three days. Here are my findings.

We Need a Good Plague

I remember the first time I went to Disneyland we got a special pass that let us get into the park an hour before opening. We took that opportunity to hit Indiana Jones three times in a row, seeing all three alternate tracks. It was awesome. Yet, I didn't understand why there was such a huge line that I had to run through in order to get back from the entrance to the start of the ride. I couldn't imagine there ever being a time where there would be that many people.

This time, apparently, we decided to visit at a time of predicted high park attendance. And, as predicted, it was insane. If you can avoid it, avoid peak seasons. Or holidays. Or really any time you can guess somebody else might want to also go to the park. I overheard a cheerful Disneyland Castmember, rolling a trashcart through a throng, say to somebody "Come in February. February is better. Nothing happens in February."

I say this not out of my own dislike of crowds, or people, but out of consideration for return on investment. At peak times, ride waits are upwards of 2 hours (not including breakdowns), which means that despite the park being open from 8am to 11pm, if you only chose to wait in line, took no bathroom or food breaks, and were able to travel from ride to ride instantaneously, you'd only be able to ride ~7 rides/day. You can, of course, prioritize to only hit main attractions, but in the course of three days, with stops for food, bathroom breaks, and kid-related catastrophes, we were barely able to hit all of the big ones.

A lot changes in... oh man... 18 years?

Last time we went, we think it was 1995. A number of things have changed. Notably: Fast Passes.

Fast Passes are an ingenious mechanism. They help to schedule your day a bit, but also demonstrate that Disney isn't looking to really help you to ride all of your rides, but rather to keep you in the park and spend more money. They let you schedule a "Fast Pass Return Time," which lets you enter a shorter line with priority over the longer, "normal" line.

However, you cannot simply collect a number of Fast Passes and have your day ahead of you, instead, you have a "cool down" period, during which you cannot request any more fast passes from machines. You can spend this in one of the "normal" lines, or you can shop/eat/whatever in the park, and not have to worry about your place in the Fast Pass line.

There is also a MouseTime phone application, which is invaluable in determining wait times for rides, and whether rides are down, without having to walk the length of the park to see them. This helped us figure out our daily schedules far better than anything else.

Additionally, there's a whole new park, California Adventures, right next to Disneyland. Our passes were able to "park-hop," which meant that we could go back and forth between Disneyland and California Adventures. It's a bit weird that there's a park, in California, that is celebrating California, when you could theoretically be seeing those things yourself while in California, but it has the same Disney look-and-feel, so it still works. I have a theory that it was a tax write-off.

Also, lines are sort of a different animal as well. While lots of work went into hiding the lines, making them interesting to spend time in, it was much more bearable having a phone available. However, this didn't really help my niece/nephew, who were bored out of their minds, and needed constant entertainment. It made me wish that some of the army of Disney employees could be dedicated to "line entertainment," much the way that the enforcers would entertain people in lines for PAX.

Being an adult is lame

There are a few things I don't miss from childhood: poor bladder/bowel control, the inability to drive, and the relative height disparity. However, as made apparent by my recent visit, I do miss some of the things I left behind with childhood: appreciation of whimsy, a love of all things animated, and the inability to understand wry, adult humor.

Going along with my parents, my sister, my sister's children, and my effective godparents, it was an interesting study in how people of different ages engage with Disney things. My niece and nephew, aged 6 and 3 years, respectively, probably saw an entirely different park than we did, full of things they recognized and understood on their own level. See somebody dressed up as Minnie walking through Toontown? Sure, you can give Minnie a hug. See somebody dressed up as Minnie walking through any other given city's downtown? Ah... no, no, child... that's not really Minnie, no hugs...

Don't get me wrong, I had a lot of fun. I'm just saying that having viewed Disneyland once as a 5th grader, then as a shitty teenager, and now as an adult, I now see it fully from my parents' perspective. I could now laugh with them at the ridiculous name of the "Astroblasters" ride, or share a "kill me" look with a dead-eyed park employee, or cringe when I pay $10.99+tax for a burrito.

Also, in my old age, I've developed a habit of pondering on the "scale" of things, particularly in large groups of people. I do this because human beings are largely disgusting, selfish, violent animals, and more so when in large packs. I wonder at things like this because I wonder what happens when 70,000 people visit the bathroom. Or if somebody gets hurt. Or if there's a fire. Or what have you. I wonder at the scale of the Disneyland operation as a machine that takes in money and humans and outputs happy humans. I would love to have seen a "behind the scenes" tour to show the scale at which things are operating on the backend.

And then I go on Space Mountain, and it all sort of just washes away.

Anywho, I should get back to work.